Aren’t birthdays suposed to be special and different ? At least how we feel in that day ? Well in my case it was nothing. I was afraid of reaching this level, of not having anything special to start my day or even end it with. everyday is an endless routine of boredom itself, I hate it. I hate everything -almost- about my current daily life. I keep the walls up, I keep that shiny smile and optimistic face when all I want to do is curl up and cry for a little, go for a long run and burn some steam, I want to stop thinking in this dark way, I’m criticising everything, I’m hard to please as hell. I don’t give myself what I desreve. I hate everything about college! Even having a couple of friends there isn’t helping that much -sorry there, no offense- isn’t it so early to reach this level of bored life ?! I’m trying so hard to get things done in some way or another. I’m trying so hard not get lost. It’s so easy to say a bad word and swear under my breath! BUT I don’t want to, I don’t want to be like anyone else, I want to be so special and so unique like no other, and this desire is killing me because I don’t know exactly how am I gonna reach that!! Anyone telling me anything about how strong am I supposed to be better not to, because I know all the pep talk because I know it so well and I’ve been giving it to people all my life.
I can’t even reread my words above, and I don’t want some people to read this post -hopefully they won’t-. Other than that, I don’t care. At All.