First of all I’m barely building up the courage and trying to be brave enough to write this blog in English, SO, I promise insha’a Allah I’ll rewrite it in Arabic soon enough =D
For some reason a girl HAS to go through a couple of so very awkward situation through her life. One of them starts commonly in her latest teen years. In the Saudi Culture if the parents are open-minded enough they’d have “the talk” with their daughter voluntary before it becomes a necessary thing.
In my case I honestly don’t remember how did it happen the voluntary or necessary role. Anyway, what I remember first is having “the talk” with my father almost a year a half ago in the car. Sometimes I get in this very courageous mood and that day was apparently one of those days because I simply had the talk about marriage and boys with my Father, without my Mother’s chaperon! LOL How’s that for bravery ?! =D
I told him clearly that I didn’t want to get married soon because I’m not ready and I don’t want to. I don’t remember what else I told him but it worked very well ’cause the topic had been dropped for a long time.
Last year I was at a “scientific” event and a woman came to me asking for my Mother’s number, after a couple of tries she left me alone but frankly those women can be really rude and aggressive!
Something like 6+ months ago the topic wa opened again, it started out with my siblings emptying the living room and me being called alone -never a good sign-. This time it was a problem, I was a senior in high school, almost 18 which is for a lot of people in this community of ours is the perfect age for a woman to get married! So despise all my Mothers efforts my Father insisted on taking my personal opinion of accepting or rejecting that new “proposal”. Father was trying to be wise and treat me like an adult or something, so he started with saying a couple of words about marriage and I was thinking “Please just leave me I wanna finish my homework and projects xD”. The worst part was talking about the guy, I felt like I’m a buyer and they’re presenting a product of some kind – No offense – I tried to say it clean and clear that I don’t want to get married for 1,2,3 reasons and Dad let it go. After that Mom told me something interesting. She told me “You want a boyfriend not a husband” I’m not gonna roll my eyes or anything, but come on Mom give me a break!!
Any way, my real opinion is that I don’t think any girl is ready for marriage at 18! Not in this century she isn’t. Even if she can handle children, home budget, cooking ..etc. It’s not about that, it’s about the emotional and personal part. Girls at 18 applies to colleges and 80% of them don’t know what they wanna major in! How can a girl who doesn’t know herself well, get to “really know” another person whom she’s gonna have to live th res of her life with?
An 18 year old girl isn’t mature enough these days. She didn’t find herself yet. How is she gonna find “them” herself and her husband? I wish all the young engaged ladies all luck and goodness – I have two friend who are engaged which is unbelievable! – But I’m not supportive of the idea.
Some people say you better get a girl married young so she won’t know a lot about marriage nor men, and she won’t be able to see a lot of men so she won’t compare them to her husband SO her husband would remain her prince charming looking. For those people I really wanna say as blind as you are to the reality, I hope the best for your daughter and sisters! I mean come on!! These days an 11 years old can tell you who’s her favorite looking celebrity! Probably Justing Bieber, Jonas Brothers, or One Direction, But she’ll have all answers! She either like the smile or the hair or even the body language and she’s only “11”!! So wake up, the world had changed.
Another bad thing in my community is how married is the topic of everything, if two 4 years old kids a boy & a girl loves to play with each other, they’d ask them “You’re gonna marry one day?”
Worse, the community thinks that if a girl had make-up on in a daily basis, it means she wanna marry! If a girl takes good care of herself and her health, then she wanna get marry. It’s never for HER!
What’s even the worst is if you come from a family where they mostly mary girls young, and you didn’t want to get married, you’ll be a freak or something! Having your younger sister engaged and you not gets you under a spotlight of torture. I only say Alhammduallah I’m far from the last kind of families!
For me marriage is more than fancy dresses and evenings, I know it’s commitment and all that. I also know that it’s a period of the life that lasts for so long. I don’t want to live 60 years of my life feeding someone and taking care of him, the moment anyone present it this way I say hell to the no to it.
Another matter about the whole marrige issues is the looks. To be honest who doesn’t like a good dressing or a good looking person, it’s so natural. But I don’t like what girls does when they see a good-looking guy and go all “whoos and Wows” on him. A friend of mine used to joke that she can’t go to AlHaram without looking out for good-looking boys and I find it funny, she knows she’s not gonna even talk to him or something, but it’s like a “should do, no question, no reason” kind of thing. Sure who doesn’t want someone with good genes. No one would want their kids to hate them for not choosing a beautiful partner which would affects the kids looks. LOL
What I also dislike is how it’s never awkward for a boy! When he want to get marry he simply talks to his Mother so he either has a certain somebody, or he has certain specification, he says it all to his Mother and Sisters, and they start their searching campaign! It’s okay for him if he wanted a girl brunette, white, with honey eyes and a slim body. No exceptions! BUT if a girl refuses a guy because anything she doesn’t like in his looks it’s a sin? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.
What’s also unfair is “the Meeting” part, when they’re supposed to see each other for the first time. My friend who got engaged a couple of weeks ago answered the girls question about her fiance’s looks with “I don’t know, I didn’t see him, I just counted the floor squares!” LOL I didn’t wanna laugh in front of her though she’s probably gonna read this. But it’s always known that the guy gets to see the girl and ask her anything, when the girl only memorize how the floor looks. That’s terrible!
For me I hope I don’t marry very traditionally. For now I know I’m not ready, I’m still not even sure I majored right in college!! So, getting involved in any kind of commitment is so out of the question with a flat NO. Hopefully I won’t have to face any Awkward Situations soon. This blog is for all the girls, hope I said it clearly. “We all go though it!”
Sincerely, with Love and Passion