Dear Dairy, I’m sorry I’m not writing this on the paper version of you, but as most times I’m lazy, because my handwriting isn’t getting any better, and I hate it when I can’t read my handwriting next morning. so, You’d understand.
Anyway, I created this blog -as you know- because I wanted to speak up, I wanted to share my thoughts and I wanted to improve myself in the writing department. But I don’t like “only writing”, I love writing that gives inspiration! I want to write inspiring things, I just don’t know how!
A small talk today reminded me of a very old novel I started to write in 2007/2008 I don’t remember when exactly, and I only wrote the first chapter, or the first two chapters, I can’t remember this precisely!
I published the chapter in a forum I knew back then, and now it doesn’t exist anymore apparently, and the files are nowhere to be found on my computer nor my external hard-disk either!
At some point of my life I wanted to be a writer, writing is very inspiring to me and to a lot of people, I know my skills are good but not good enough. I don’t have that magically beautiful way of writing that makes a person forget himself untill the last letter on the last page of the book!
Besides that, I’m always short on what to write! I have a lot of ideas but I don’t know how to write them down. And a part of me is still afraid of judgement and misunderstanding.
I want to write the sarcastic articles that comes to my mind, but I can be really harsh in those. I want to write the funny stuff but I don’t know how to present them in a “not silly” kind of way because I hate silliness. I want to be able to tell stories the way I imagine them. There is like a whole world in my mind that I can’t or don’t know how to express. I know that being an Artist means opening your heart, mind & soul, it means presenting them in my work. I know and believe that all the greatest artist in history pour their heart and soul into their work. But I don’t know how to do that!
I can give anyone this pep talk and make them believe in their selves and get them going, but I don’t know how to do that to myself! As funny, pathetic and sad that is, it hurts sometimes, and it’s frustrating! And when I write, I don’t want people to tell me they are inspired, I want to sense it and see it in them. I want facts and actions not only talks!
To help me organize my thoughts and everything going on inside this mind of mine, I have three notebooks:
1. Tiny size for 2Do lists and tasks.
2. Regular size as a diary.
3. Medium size as a planner for projects, ideas, plans .. etc
I don’t use them as much as I would like to, but I’m trying! That counts right? Even if every time I think about writing something I hold my Phone instead with an intention of writing something in this blog and end up checking Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and wasting time?
That’s the typical tale of my life, zero time managing! My time sensor is dead or something, I never guess nor measure it right.
Hopefully I’ll find a proper solution soon enough before I do something I might regret because I hate it the most. For the time being I’ll try to push my self to read and write more, and hopefully I’ll reach my goal!