I just knew how much I scored of 50% of Year Activities in Computer Skills! Alhammduallah I’m feeling so much better right now, BUT that’s not what i wanted to talk about.
For some unknown reason -to me- I got a little moody today, I felt suffocated, I felt like an outsider, I didn’t belong with this community, I wanted to be anywhere else in the world at that moment.
I was shopping at the mall with my Mom & Baby Sister, I didn’t like what I saw from people, the way the dressed, walked, talked, interacted and everything! I saw racism and contempt in their “high mighty”! And it was in a natural kind of way, which only made things worst. I got upset, mad, and angry, my poor Mom had to take it all and deal with it alone, we sat for a drink and i went on talking about some of the things that were on my mind, but at this point nothing is enough. But I’ll mention one thing that’s getting me sick on the occasion of the grades release.
I’ve always dreamed of getting my degree in a great college, I wanted knowledge, I hated all that Drama and Injustice that goes on in our universities and I’ve heard a lot about it. I knew it wasn’t a possibility but I wanted it so bad. The older I got, the more I wanted it. At my school Graduation night I received an E-mail, the best E-mail I received so far. I was nominated for a Special Scientific Scholarship with the greatest Scientific university in my country, i was so thrilled and honored and for the first time I felt really special!
The problem was, I couldn’t accept that scholarship ’cause if I did, I’d have to get my degree abroad and again that wasn’t possible in my case. Besides, i was still 50/50 almost 30/70 on the choice of major!
I thought i got over the idea that I declined the scholarship. But apparently i didn’t. I applied for both UQU & KAU and got accepted at both on early admissions Alhammduallah. But Dad wasn’t supportive of me studying at any place but UQU! So it was. I got accepted at the major I wanted Alhammduallah which is Business Management. Why that major ? Because it’s the only major that is needed in every place on earth, I can work in any field my hear desires, Arts, Health, Government, Commerce, anything!
It took me a while to reach this decision and be okay with it, I loved science so much. I’m so curious when it comes to understanding the human’s body. I loved Psychology! I’m still interested in all these things. I didn’t know what to study at college, I was afraid I might make a mistake and choose the wrong path and major for me. I still am! When I thought about my high school years I noticed I was good in managing projects Alhammduallah. I could handle the budget, the planning, the work itself, the details and the evaluation. And I wanted to work in a place that would interests me. Business Managements came to my mind. I got a bit of a background about it. I know a couple of people who work in that field.
Anyway, as I was saying I got accepted at Business Management. For my luck this year UQU added a Preparatory year for this major, so here I am in my first semester at college studying Four boring subjects. Nothing related to Business Management YET. So, my doubts still exists! Most people who know me well or have worked with me told me I chose the perfect major. But it said people might know you best or not know you AT ALL! I’m still not sure which part is the truth in my case!
Can you see how confusing things can be ? I just feel like I’m thinking in circles over & over & over & over again! Ah it’s freaking me out! Do i over-think things ? YES, a lot. sadly, I don’t have better things to do. But, now i have this blog! That’s a good start, hopefully. Right?
Sincerely, with Love and Passion